Four Steps to Helping Students Face Tough Social Situations

Step One: Observe

Photo Credit: Sandra Torrijos; Isis Clipart

It sounds simple, but observing is actually a complicated skill. This skill is so important that it will be used throughout all four steps.

Observe the child's behaviour before a social struggle occurs-listen to choice of words and tone of voice. This way, if something seems “off” it will be easy to see the difference between a student's normal way of speaking and the way they speak when they're distressed.

Observe if a child speaks directly to you without being asked. Notice how they speak and when they tell you what is wrong. There are times when a student will not come directly to you and you will have to take notice of changes in their behaviour.

Observing, knowing, and recognizing how a child acts if they're having a social problem will help you help them.

Step Two: Connect

Connect to the child by using active listening. Try and genuinely listen to their issue or problem, then essentially repeat back to them what they have said. But do not add judgment or guidance. Dig through the details of their story and simply repeat what you think they have said.

For example say something like, “That's a lot of information. Let me see if I understand. You are angry because your friend didn't save you a seat and you felt lonely because you sat by yourself. Is that right?”

If the child feels that you understand how they are feeling, but you are not judging them, they will be more likely to discuss their problem further and in turn, more likely to take your suggestions on ways to fix the situation.

Carry on the Kindness

There are times when we don't act quite as kindly as we intend to or would like to. We may experience a frustrating moment where we make a quick decision to be less kind than we could. Or, the weather is bad and we woke up late, and for the rest of the day we're a grumpier than usual.

This happens to the best of us. Snappy remarks and curt attitudes happen to students, teachers, peers, and colleagues. But, we have to keep in mind that we are always in control of our choices and we can easily choose to move forward with kindness.

To help students and teachers keep a kind frame of mind, think of three random acts of kindness to complete each day. These acts don't need public attentions. Just do them to spread good feelings and cheerfulness.